Jurassic-era babe Nancy Pelosi and Ba-lack Obama are at odds over the meaning of transparency. Both agree you should applaud whenever they say the word, but there may be a gap in how they measure the value of follow through. Isn´t it amazing how dirtbags think things are believable simply because they said it?
Pelosi wants to reconcile the house and senate healthcare plans behind closed doors without republican congressmen. She says that there has never been a more open process than one without witnesses or cameras this.
"C-SPAN wrote a letter to congressional leaders Tuesday asking that TV cameras be allowed to film negotiations to reconcile the House and Senate versions of healthcare reform legislation.
But Pelosi said Congress has already been transparent throughout the process.
"There has never been a more open process for any legislation," Pelosi said at a press conference." - NPV
Before she was able to explain what she meant by "open", Pelosi said the interview was over.
Obama could certainly come up with ten novel explanations for why the eight occassions he promised to "broadcast the healthcare negotiations on C-span" in the video below didn´t specifically mean "broadcast the healthcare negotiations on C-span". But the best explanation of all may be that he can´t control his own party.
The cover story on the upcoming Golf Digest is "10 Tips Obama Can Take From Tiger", and the two of them are posing like BFF`s (brutha friends fo-eva). But dat shit be hittin the mutha fuckin fan now yo!
"The editors at Golf Digest had this great idea. President Barack Obama has been playing a lot of golf lately. And according to a detailed report in The Wall Street Journal, not playing that well. So why not invite Tiger Woods, the world`s pre-eminent golfer, to give the president some tips?" - Chicago Times
Though the magazine tried to do a last minute swap on the cover photo, it was too late to beat the deadline. However, we`ve managed to obtain the top 10 tips from Tiger to Barack that the editors are frantically attempting to incorporate into the story.
10. Casinos have lotz of dem cameras, so wear one of dem big-ass afro wigs.
9. No matter what gonna happen, porn stars are da b-o-m-b.
8. You can`t be using yo real name when talkin up da hos. Get tricky with yo name, like Igertay Oodsway.
7. Don`t be watchin no video of Nancy Pelosi before you about to go ballin`. That shit`ll MESS up yo game.
6. If the Secretive Service be sayin don`t use no blackberry, true dat.
5. What up with the higher taxes yo? Fuck dat brutha!
4. You ever tried dat Ambien before you get inta Michelle?
3. What is you all white and shit now? Switch out the Obama-mobile with a black ass Escalade. RepreSENT dat sheeeeet!
2. Is Michelle half white like you man? Don`t marry no crazy ass white bitch.
1. Monica Lewinsky is fugly dude, don`t go down like dat.
I must have missed the announcement that Nancy Pelosi has switched her stance and is now aggressively campaigning AGAINST the viability of a government run health care program. No matter, I´m all caught up now.
"After months of struggle capped by a final wrenching compromise over abortion, Speaker Nancy Pelosi predicted, "we will pass health care reform," and likened the events to the creation of Social Security in 1935 and Medicare 30 years later." - AP
Medicare will be bankrupt by 2017. Social Security is underfunded by $13.7 trillion. I´m glad that Nancy has made the logical leap to comparing the Health Bill to two other mega nanny state failures. It takes courage to reverse course on...standby, my roommate is yelling from downstairs and...she what? This is part of her sales pitch FOR Obamacare?!?! Dumb bitch.
Like I haven´t been predicting this for months. Now someone that has actually abandoned any aspirations of a social life read the Pelosi health plan is confirming my uncanny foresight. Individuals that don´t maintain health insurance, up to the standards of Madame Pelosi, face jail time.
"Today, Ranking Member of the House Ways and Means Committee Dave Camp (R-MI) released a letter from the non-partisan Joint Committee on Taxation (JCT) confirming that the failure to comply with the individual mandate to buy health insurance contained in the Pelosi health care bill (H.R. 3962, as amended) could land people in jail. The JCT letter makes clear that Americans who do not maintain “acceptable health insurance coverage” and who choose not to pay the bill’s new individual mandate tax (generally 2.5% of income), are subject to numerous civil and criminal penalties, including criminal fines of up to $250,000 and imprisonment of up to five years." - Big Government
The sun rises. The rain falls. Sarah Palin calls the FBI every time I send her a letter admiring her breasts. These are all invariable truths. And government knows what´s best for you, and imprisons you for disagreeing.
The Wall Street Journal called Madame Pelosi names and claimed she is running out of friends.
The article starts with a quote from an anonymous Democrat congressman that is livid that Pelosi´s health bill and stupidity will damage other democrats. Um. He meant he is worried that the health bill and stupidity will damage his country, not his fellow congressmen, right? Didn´t think so.
"It´s one thing to be serene under fire, it´s another to be delusional.
More than a few Democrats in Congress are perplexed and worried that House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is insisting on ramming through a 1,900-page health care bill on Saturday, just days after her party took heavy losses in Tuesday´s elections.
Indeed, the Speaker´s take on Tuesday´s off-year elections struck some of her own members as delusive "happy talk." "From our perspective, we won last night," a cheerful Ms. Pelosi told reporters, citing her party´s pick-up of a single House seat in a New York special election and retention of another strongly Democratic seat in California." - WSJ
My ex-mother-in-law calls me delusional. But in fairness to my ever expanding awesomeness, she´s wrong.
Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan, aka Eugene Walcott, aka calypso singer "The Charmer", claims that the Swine Flu vaccine is a secret plot to wipe out as many people as possible.
Nation of Islam leader Minister Louis Farrakhan told an audience in Memphis he believes the H1N1 flu vaccine was developed to kill people, a witness said.
"The Earth can´t take 6.5 billion people. We just can´t feed that many. So what are you going to do? Kill as many as you can. We have to develop a science that kills them and makes it look as though they died from some disease," Farrakhan said, adding that many wise people won´t take the vaccine. - UPI
Louis has had some credibility issues in the past. Like the time he watched himself get carried up to a UFO, or the time he claimed the flooding from hurricane Katrina was a conspiracy, or the time he was censured from speaking in the Senate for heaping praise on Hitler, or the time he invented the Five-Thirds law in an attempt to count 400,000 African Americans as 1,000,000 in the Million Man March.
Other than those limited discretions, I´m guessing that 100% of witch doctors and other people that call themselves doctors but kind of aren´t chiropractors fully embrace Farrakhan´s vaccine theory.
It has yet to be confirmed that Al Gore, the U.N. and Nancy Pelosi are having a secret summit with Farrakhan to pitch their argument to him: "Most Everyone Will Die, Is That So Bad?".
