James O´Keefe is the young gentleman that posed as a pimp on hidden camera (here and here) to coerce professional child prostitution advice from a federally sanctioned organization. That makes him cool.
Every day since November 23, 1955 Senator Mary Landrieu has breathed. That makes her a bitch.
Yesterday O´Keefe went to visit dirtbag four member Senator Mary Landrieu´s New Orleans crypt. He was detained for entering federal property under false pretenses.
"Federal authorities said two of the men posed as telephone workers wearing hard hats, tool belts and flourescent vests when they walked into the senator´s office inside a federal building in New Orleans on Monday.
"Landrieu, who was in Washington at the time, said in a statement Tuesday that the plot was "unsettling" for her and her staff." - NPV
I guess "unsettled" means approximately the same thing as "wondering which one of your secret fuck up´s the entire country is about to find out about thanks to a college prankster".
As O´Keefe was led from his jail cell he said one word. "Veritas". Latin for truth. Sleep tight Mary.
I assumed Tiger Woods´ legal team could convince a judge that Adolph Hitler was just the front man for some Jew from Nazareth with a god complex. Maybe they aren´t as think as they smart they are.
"US Weekly has reported the couple has a prenuptial agreement worth $300 million, which would make this the most expensive celebrity divorce in history. Right now, Michael Jordan holds that record when his wife, Juanita, received an estimated $150 million settlement." - CBS
Here is how my conversation, as acting legal counsel, would have gone with Tiger following his 2003 engagement.
Tiger: "I´m getting married."
Dirtbag LLC: "That´s stupid."
Tiger: "But there are only 3 billion other women in the world willing to ride my private jet. I can´t pass this up."
Dirtbag LLC: "Whatever dumb ass, you´ll need a prenup."
Tiger: "..."
Dirtbag LLC: "You know, so she agrees on the amount she´ll steal for all her "hard work" when you fuck up."
Tiger: "I´m not good with math that doesn´t involve yardage. How much? Everything?"
Dirtbag LLC: "My standard formula for determining prenup value is this: take the market price for a hit man and add 10%. Let´s call it $250. She´s happy she doesn´t get dead, and you pay less than $100 for each incident of marital sex that you actually liked. Grab lunch?"
Mary Landrieu is a bitch. And a whore. She´s the load that should have been swallowed. That´s why she´s a prominent member of The Dirtbag Four. Her vote to continue the debate on the health care bill was bought for $100 - $300 million.
"On the eve of Saturday´s showdown in the Senate over health-care reform, Democratic leaders still hadn´t secured the support of Sen. Mary Landrieu (D-La.), one of the 60 votes needed to keep the legislation alive. The wavering lawmaker was offered a sweetener: at least $100 million in extra federal money for her home state." - Washington Post
Just so you morons that elected this waste of skin folks in Louisiana know, a vote to continue the debate on health care bill isn´t conducted because "we haven´t heard all the pro´s and con´s yet". It´s a strategic procedure that lowers the number of votes needed to ultimately pass the bill. If only people in Louisiana could read, this posting would be helpful to them come re-election time.
I must have missed the announcement that Nancy Pelosi has switched her stance and is now aggressively campaigning AGAINST the viability of a government run health care program. No matter, I´m all caught up now.
"After months of struggle capped by a final wrenching compromise over abortion, Speaker Nancy Pelosi predicted, "we will pass health care reform," and likened the events to the creation of Social Security in 1935 and Medicare 30 years later." - AP
Medicare will be bankrupt by 2017. Social Security is underfunded by $13.7 trillion. I´m glad that Nancy has made the logical leap to comparing the Health Bill to two other mega nanny state failures. It takes courage to reverse course on...standby, my roommate is yelling from downstairs and...she what? This is part of her sales pitch FOR Obamacare?!?! Dumb bitch.
Before I begin I´d like to point out that yes, that is a ankle bracelet in the photo above and yes, that kind of thing normally turns me on.
I apologize for momentarily straying from my professional and strict focus on politics, but I had a thang for Lindsay Lohan before she changed her diet to an exclusive regiment of Marlboro red´s, cocaine, semen and morning-after-pills. Besides, she and Obama have history, so indulge me some T&A.
Lindsay is concerned that her dad is going to kidnap her.
“If I can’t get a conservatorship, then I’m going to take her to an undisclosed location and get her straight,” Michael Lohan told X17Online. “But I know I’m going to get charged with kidnapping.” - MSNBC
Yeah Michael, that would be kidnapping. But maybe it´s cool, because during the two years you spent in prison for substance abuse, you became a priest. Pehaps another stint in rehab would work for Lindsey better than it did last time when half the staff (male and female) qualified for STD clinical trials after she checked out. Some of us actually want to help Lindsay solve all her problems. By switching out her Valtrex with a little hemlock.
The law applies to Kennedy´s too! Since that is the funniest joke I´ll write all day so I guess I can go to the beach now.
Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has finally caught wind of his wife´s illegal -- and habitual -- cell phone antics ... and now he´s finally gonna do something about it!
Ahnald just went on Twitter and dropped the following note to Harvey Levin:
"Thanks for bringing her violations to my attention. There´s going to be swift action." - TMZ
For those of you that are thoroughly confused, its illegal to have any type of personal freedom in California. Including talking on a cell phone while sitting in traffic jams.
At the time of this posting we have no details on what Arnold has planned as "swift action", but a source inside the Sacramento capital building was kind enough to inform us that Arnold´s rubberized Conan sword and a gas powered dildo with a suicide clutch has gone missing. No police report has been filed.
