Typically TSA workers only make the news for monumentally fucking up whenever an auditor successfully slips a Tellar-Ulam thermonuclear warhead through the metal detector.
It`s refreshing to learn that America`s $5 per hour guardians can get noticed for something new and different. Like planting a bag of cocaine into someone`s bag as a joke.
"A TSA worker was staring at 22 year old Rebecca Solomon. He motioned her toward him.
Then he pulled a small, clear plastic bag from her carry-on - the sort of baggie that a pair of earrings might come in. Inside the bag was fine, white powder.
She remembers his words: "Where did you get it?"
Put yourself in her place and count out 20 seconds. Her heart pounded. She started to sweat. She panicked at having to explain something she couldn`t.
Now picture her expression as the TSA employee started to smile.
Just kidding, he said. He waved the baggie. It was his." - News-Pics-Videos
The story fails to mention why Rebbecca was in such a panic when she saw that dime bag of snow. Perhaps she was muling a few kilos for the Mexican Mafia and was terrified that so much of the basulco had gone missing. I would be.
If any of you readers work security at Changi Airport in Singapore, and you need a good laugh, you now know what to do.
Al Qaeda is slipping. Time was, they could bring down millions of tons of concrete and steel before Dhuhr (thats the noontime prayer for you infidels non-Muslim readers). These days when they aren´t stuffing C4 explosives in their ass they´re afro-engineering Fruit of the Loom bombs.
"A singed pair of underwear with a packet of powder sewn into the crotch, seen in government photos obtained exclusively by ABC News, is all that remains of al Qaeda´s attempt to down an American passenger plane over Detroit.
Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab
The underwear with the explosive worn by alleged Northwest 253 bomber Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab is shown in this undated photo.
As seen in these photos, the alleged bomb consisted of a packet of powder sewn into the briefs of Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, a 23-year-old Nigerian. Al Qaeda took credit Monday for the attempted bombing, boasted of its ability to overcome U.S. intelligence and airport security, and promised new attacks." - NPV
I´m still confused about a few things. Why is the US getting attacked now that Obama is president? And further, why is it that when certain African American people disagree with something (like the premise of the question posed above), their argument begins and ends with "youz a ignorant fool"? And if Abdulmatullab´s such a rich kid, why do his underpants look like the pair I donated to the Salvation Army after my jalapeno popper party?
Despite the best laid plans, that party didn´t end well BTW.
Perennial dirtbag O.J. Simpson hasn`t been shanked yet, and is offering counsel on race relations in the meantime.
"While fraternizing with other felons, he often counsels them on such issues as race relations and anger management, says Pardo. In turn, he has managed to avoid even the slightest hint of trouble." - NY Post
His new book tackling the issue of race relations "Kill A White Woman And A Jew For No Good Reason" has yet to be announced.
A prominent member of the most corrupt profession congress from the most corrupt city New Orleans just got a record breaking jail sentence of 13 years for taking bribes.
"Jefferson´s lawyer, Robert Trout, said that while his client acknowledged a level of responsibility for his conduct, he also believed that he was operating within the law. And he urged the judge to consider the fact that Jefferson lifted himself up from poverty to become the first African-American to represent Louisiana in Congress since Reconstruction.
"He has led an extraordinary life," Trout said. - MSNBC
His appeal to the judge seemed to be based on the recently popularized defense. "But, I´m BLACK!". What is that supposed to mean? That we´re fortunate that as a black man, he should be expected to have committed a worse crime?
I´m left wondering why the record jail sentence for a politician taking bribes to influence the spending of billions of dollars is only 13 years.
About 12 hours ago I lambasted Homeland Security here for their politically correct statements following the Fort Hood terrorist attack.
Now its a whole hell of a lot worse.
"U.S. intelligence agencies were aware months ago that Army Major Nidal Hasan was attempting to make contact with people associated with al Qaeda, two American officials briefed on classified material in the case told ABC News.
Investigators want to know if Hasan maintained contact with a radical mosque leader from Virginia, Anwar al Awlaki, who now lives in Yemen and runs a web site that promotes jihad around the world against the U.S.
In a blog posting early Monday titled "Nidal Hassan Did the Right Thing," Awlaki calls Hassan a "hero" and a "man of conscience who could not bear living the contradiction of being a Muslim and serving in an army that is fighting against his own people." - ABC
Barack Obama asked that none of us jump to conclusions about a Muslim, killing Americans, in a terrorist attack, on the homeland, protected by an agency that knew he was Islamic extremist months in advance, who was armed and had access to military bases.
We are standing by for Obama to give us permission to conclude what the fuck is going on.
I´m constantly accused of being a sexier version of the most attractive actor in Hollywood, David Duchovney acting like a five year old. But I am a gentleman. And part of being a gentleman is putting the womenfolk in their place. A firm grip on a short leash is how my grand pappy taught me to treat the fairer sex. I took that approach and improved it by adding liberal applications of the back of my hand.
The astonished dame in this video is Congresswoman Lois Capps, and it doesn´t sound like she had anything interesting to say anyway.
We are waiting on confirmation that after this video ended, she and Tom "Hillbilly Boy" Price consummated the parliamentary proceeding with some good old-fashion fucking in the coat closet. There may have been further objections off camera, but a good woman likes a strong man.
A thing with a penis that raped and killed children, as young as three years old, has been sentenced to be crucified. Sounds fair right? Get ready to ram your head into a wall.
"A Saudi court of cassation upheld a ruling to behead and crucify a 22-year-old man convicted of raping five children and leaving one of them to die in the desert, newspapers reported on Tuesday." - Reuters
The Saudi´s have the right idea, but they aren´t as smart as I thought. They intend to behead this thing BEFORE they crucify him. Doesn´t that kind of mean the crucifixion won´t hurt the rapist as much? Idiots. If it wasn´t for an abundance of the most organic substance in the world (oil you environmentalist weenies!) Saudi Arabia would just be flyover country between Beirut and Karachi.
The rapist deserves a form of death that takes weeks, and involves some combination of sunburn, anal penetration, honey and ants.
Joseph Cohen (he was born a Jew), now known as Yousef al-Khattab, is posting hate disguised as a prayer on his website. And getting away with it.
"A New York bicycle cabbie who last year used his Web site to mock the beheading of journalist Daniel Pearl posted a prayer calling for the murder of Jews and exhorting Muslims to ´throw liquid drain cleaner in their faces.´ And there´s nothing authorities can do about it.
Yousef al-Khattab...insists the words he has posted on his Web site are a prayer, and not a threat — and that his hatred is protected by the First Amendment." - Foxnews
He´s A jew hating jew, that prays that you throw Drano at elderly deli owners. And he claims to have dirty whore loving cock face Tourette´s syndrome.
I spent my formative years attending church four times a week and in private religious school (thanks mom!). So I´ve written my own prayer, which I hope will deliver salvation to Yousef.
Dear sweet baby Jesus, who watched over me last night while I was banging that Lebanese girl, you were born a Jew that the Jews ended up not liking really a lot. But even in your darkest moment, those fuckers didn´t drench you in Drano.
Lo it is true that the Jews are your people, which is why they are the only race smart enough to be able to weasel their way out of getting in trouble for hate speech. But clearly Yousef has strayed from the tribe. For if he were a good Jew, he would own the bike taxi company instead of riding one for so few sheckles.
So I pray to you on this day, that you make an example of Yousef. But if it´s alright with you Jesus, I´m looking for one of those kick ass Old Testament examples. You were kind of a pussy in the New Testament (no offense). Amen.
Roman Polanski isn´t going to face the consequences of his guilty plea without a fight. While sitting in a Swiss jail thinking about happier times, his lawyer is petitioning to have him released.
“Given the extravagant circumstances of his arrest, his Swiss attorney will immediately petition for his freedom, if need be under conditions,” Polanski’s Paris-based lawyer, Herve Temime, said yesterday in an e-mailed statement." - Bloomberg
Just to give Roman a fair shake, I want to review the "extravagant circumstances" before judging him:
1. When he was 44 years old he gave a 13 year old girl Quaaludes and champagne. Then he had oral, anal and the regular kind of sex with her.
2. He plead guilty.
3. He fled the U.S. to live in France, where such things are considered commonplace. But he ain´t in France anymore.
He´s totally fucke...oh wait. There is one more extravagant circumstance.
4. He´s rich, and friends with all the jackoffs in Hollywood that condone this shit. AKA Obama donors.
Sooo...My bad, he´ll be released any day now. But between now and then, maybe we can arrange a prison transfer for Charles Manson, so the two of them can catch up on old times.
Those clever goat herders, turned international celebrities, known as Al Qaeda have figured out what my step-father learned in San Quentin years ago. You can hide shit in your ass.
"Taking a trick from the narcotics trade - which has long smuggled drugs in body cavities - [Al Qaeda member] Asieri had a pound of high explosives, plus a detonator inserted in his rectum.
The blast left the prince lightly wounded - a failure as an assassination, but as an exercise in defeating security, it was perfect. "CBS News
Unfortunately for the bomber, there´s a clause in the Koran that stipulates: if you perform self sodomy with a pound of C4 explosives to kill infidels, you don´t receive rich sensual rewards from 72 virgins in Heaven. You become a virgin for 72 Turkish child molesters. ALWAYS read the fine print when it comes to contractual virgins.
Currently there exists no way for security to detect hidden butt bombs in airports. Well, there is one way, but it will slow the security line way down and result in a new pay grade for TSA staff.
When describing her 10 year sexual relationship with her dad, California Dreamin´ singer John Phillips, MacKenzie adds that consentual incest needs a public face.
"I can´t be the only one this has happened to," Phillips said. "Someone needs to put a face on consensual incest." - MSNBC
West Virginia has already begun mounting a campaign to contest MacKenzie´s claim as the face for consentual incest, with their new Albert Einstein inspired slogan: "West Virginia, Where Everyone Is Relative".
Why Papa John would chose to slip it to MacKenzie instead of Chynna or Bijou only points to the severity of his drug problems.
Orly Taitz is a lawyer that files lawsuits based on Obama being an illegitimate president because he was born on Krypton, or anywhere other than the U.S. Of course she has about as much proof of that as she has proof that she isn´t a man with makeup on. I mean no offense lady, but I´d rather have sex with a bee hive.
Anyyyyyhoo...
"U.S. District Court Judge Clay Land has thrown out a complaint questioning the president´s birth from an Army captain fighting deployment to Iraq and gave a warning to her lawyer, birther maven Orly Taitz. - Huffington Post
So the army captain is arguing that if Obama ain´t the legitimate commander in chief, then Obama doesn´t have the authority to deploy his sorry ass to Iraq. Listen Captain, if you want out of the Army just give your lawyer a big kiss on the mouth. It will be seen as a clear act of tranny luvin´ gayness. Don´t ask, don´t tell sucka.
The tough guy that threw his best pair of shoes at President Bush, got out of jail early and explained why he isn`t sorry about making George W. duck (slightly). Maybe next time he should try hurling those curly toed fairy shoes like Aladdin wears.
An unrepentant al-Zeidi explained that his actions were motivated by the U.S. occupation: "I want to ask the American people if an Iraqi occupies America and kills one million Americans, displaced 5 million people and demolished and destroyed America, then what would be the reaction of the American people?` - MSNBC
Gee, when you put it that way, our reaction would be obvious. The Pentagon would spend a trillion dollars for a pair of shoes, and we`d throw them at someone like you did, al-Zeidi. But we may not miss.
Born February 22, 1932 to corrupt Rum Runner and Nazi sympathizer Joe Kennedy, Ted was lucky to be born rich. Although his grades were average he was admitted to Harvard; which he was in no way qualified for. In an attempt to prove this fact beyond reasonable doubt, he was expelled after cheating on a Spanish test. Ted then entered Army Intelligence training, from which he was kicked out after only two weeks. Luckily for Ted, his father twisted arms to keep him from action in the Korean War. Thanks to his last name, he was readmitted to Harvard and managed to get a law degree from a second rate institution while maintaining a high blood alcohol level.
At this point Ted focused his mediocre abilities on pursuits such as cheating on his wife, ski jumping and riding bucking broncos.
It was in 1969 that his fame was earned for a reason besides his lineage, when he got shit-faced at a party and drove himself and a girl off a bridge. Not satisfied, he swam to shore, left the girl to die and didn´t report the incident to the police until after the woman´s body was found. Shortly thereafter he was reelected to public office.
Aside from his later involvement in a rape trial, he managed to focus the rest of his life on forcing people less rich than him to pay for ideas that he didn´t want to fund with his own inheritance and searching for ways to get energy from windmills (he found it possible anywhere but in front of his house).
For these and a thousand other intangible shortcomings and violations, he is remembered as a dolt, a bad husband, a danger to drunk women and above all else...a shining example for politicians everywhere. We miss you Ted.
Famed music genius / Beatles producer / total dirtbag Phil Spector is unhappy with the consequences of shooting a woman in the mouth for no good reason. Sure, she may have called him an ugly midget with a penis that reminded her of a light switch, but all us guys hear that line. I mean...a lot of guys hear that line.
"JAILED music legend Phil Spector has told of his terror at being held in a "snake pit" prison with crazed killers.
´They´d kill you in here for a 39-cent bag of soup!´" - The Sun UK
Let´s be honest Phil, when you get the proverbial "shank" in the shower it won´t be for a bag of soup. Crazed killers don´t need a reason as good as yours was.
Madoff rose to the pinnacle of wealth redistribution eeee-vile-ness by bilking old ladies out of the money their husbands left them and stimulating the economy via private jets and inept management of charitable funds. By this measurement he is a liberal role model.
Whenever I watch bad guy movies like Wall Street or Scarface I root for the villain. Every one of those movies has a point where its best to turn off the show and make up your own ending where the bad guy prevails. I´d turn off the Madoff story right before he turns himself in to the feds (Idiot!).
If Bernie was a villain in a 007 movie he would have a crew of latinos spring him from the jail bound bus, throw him into the ocean where a super secret submarine would be waiting to hustle him off to Aruba. Unfortunately, 71 year old Jewish dudes don´t do anything cool like that.
Billy usually "wins" arguments by wiggling his paws around and bloviating about "secular progressives". I looked it up, so I know that means being disgusted by sinners that cheat on their wives and have phone sex sessions about Carribean shower fantasies with co-workers. Wait, that couldn´t be what Secular Progressive means, that´s what Billy boy was accused of doing.
Anyway, Billy made a cute little abortion rhyme about Dr.Tiller The Baby Killer. It would have taken me fifteen minutes on the toilet to come up with something that good on my own, so O´Reilly saved me a lot of time that I could use to ponder whether all abortion doctors are, in fact, baby killers. Instead I went to Burger King and got a Coke Icee. Brain Freeze!
